My Two Free Olive Trees
Updated: Aug 11
The Messy Gardener
Right, everyone thinks olive trees are for posh gardens with a pizza oven and a gardener called Julian. Mine? Both free. Both rescued. Both thriving in Tonbridge.
— let me explain... —
CHAPTER ONE
FREE TREE NUMBER 1 – The Stepdaughter Special
About 4 years ago, my stepdaughter was moving out. In her garden was this olive tree - a good 6 foot tall, gnarly, dunno how old it was, but a proper tree. I couldn't leave it.
So me and my wife Patricia - she prefers Patricia, proper name, but I call her Trisha when I'm in trouble - we went round with a spade and dug it up as best we could. Got as many of the main roots as we could, gave it a quick trim, and stuffed the top and the roots into a couple of black bin bags so it would fit in our little Suzuki Vitara.
Drove it home like we were smuggling something. Trisha says to me, "Dave, carry it round the back alleyway, don't drag it through the house." Did I listen? Did I heck.
We wrestled this 6 foot bin-bag monster in the front door and straight out the back door into the garden. Leaves everywhere. Mud everywhere. Patricia giving me that look.
I bunged it in a large pot for a few weeks, left it exactly where I wanted to plant it to make sure it was happy. It didn't die. So I thought, right, you're staying. Planted it in the ground. That scrappy freebie is now about 11 foot tall. Healthy as anything in Tonbridge clay. Best gain I ever had.
The big 11-footer in the ground in Tonbridge. The little one in the green pot in front? That's the skip rescue.
CHAPTER TWO
FREE TREE NUMBER 2 – The Skip Rescue.
Then - different day, me and Trisha were at the council recycling centre, dropping off garden waste, minding our own business. I look in the big skip... and there's an olive tree in there. Someone had chucked it.
Being a coward, I got Trisha to ask the fella. "Excuse me, could you hook that out for us?" He fishes it out, hands it to me and goes, "I reckon it's knackered mate, good luck."
Dragged it into the Vitara again, did our now famous "get the olive tree home and into the back garden" carry, and stuck it in a big pot. That almost-dead, knackered skip tree? It's come back to life. Growing really well in its pot now. So well I'm going to plant it out in the front garden.
Dave's Vitara Rule:
If it fits in the Vitara with the seats down and Trisha not shouting too loud, it's coming home. Olives, pots, dodgy free timber – all of it.
🚙 Suzuki Vitara - officially the Messy Gardener's wheelbarrow
Look, people throw away perfectly good trees. I don't get it. One man's knackered is another man's 10-year feature tree.
From skip to showpiece — the rescue in its green pot, bamboo stakes and all.
The lesson?
Olives are TOUGH. Don't baby them.
They don't die from cold, they die from wet feet.
Tonbridge clay will kill an olive faster than any frost. Drainage is everything,
Sun, grit, neglect. That's it.
They're Mediterranean. They WANT to be ignored. Stop fussing.
Pot is safest, 50/50 compost and grit.
Half decent compost, half horticultural grit.
Sunniest spot you've got.
South-facing wall is gold.
Wrap the POT not the tree in winter.
Bubble wrap round the pot. Tree is hardy to -8°C easy.
✏️ Scribbled note from Trisha: "Dave, tell them NOT to overwater. You nearly killed the skip one by being nice to it."
Stay messy,
Digger Dave & Patricia (Trisha) 👨🌾👩🌾
THE TONBRIDGE OLIVE RESCUE TEAM
Rescued with a Suzuki Vitara, two bin bags, and Trisha doing the asking at the tip
🌿 TONBRIDGE • CLAY SOIL • FREE TREES
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